China—Will Never Be Public Enemy No.1, But Sam Will Make It So—and other things to fear
China will never be as good at killing Americans as Americans—unless given a chance.
It Doesn't Take Much To Make Sam's Dreams Come True
USS Maddox at that Chinese balloon. Joe ordered it shot down. Now Sam has another excuse. Shine your boots, service your kit, take your sights off your fellow Americans, and take a bead on a brand-new enemy.
Before we go to war with China, the USA needs a civil war to resolve its gas stove feud. And that's not all; they have many things to fight over. Have people forgotten about gun rights, abortion pills, Build Back Better, government documents, laptops, Neo-Nazis, workers’ wages, Far-Right Bounty Hunters, Medicare for All, vaccines, mask mandates, the second amendment, Twitter Files, BLM, Me Too, Oil & Gas, and the war on drugs? Nare a grievance has been solved.
Oh, and let’s not forget that everything is a conspiracy in the USA.
Silk Now Claims A 'Bio Weapon' Sprayed Into The Air Killed Her Sister Diamond
Wait. Let's find out what ChatGPT has to say about the culture wars.
Some of the most controversial and divisive topics in the United States' culture wars include:
Gun control
Immigration
Race and racism
Police brutality and the criminal justice system
Climate change and the environment
Reproductive rights and abortion
Marriage equality and LGBTQ rights
Health care and insurance
Political polarization and misinformation
Freedom of speech and censorship
These issues often generate strong emotions and opinions, leading to heated debates and disagreements between different groups.
Well, Yeah, ChatGPT, but there are so many more.
Americans both love to hang on to things and forget things. Does anyone remember the Red Scare and the McCarthy era? Better dead than red. We fought a long war in Vietnam after that period of hysteria.
Americans are mad about many things and very mad at each other. If you bring up the price of eggs, poverty, homelessness, infrastructure, government debt, economics, wall street, woke, electric cars, oil and gas, alternative energy, education, books, social media, smartphones, the NFL, stress, trauma, healthcare, Cancer Cure Conspiracy—almost anything that matters will spark a fight.
8% of Floridians have gas stoves, but DeSantis promises to fight a potential ban. He'll do practically anything to stop people from using electric ranges and ovens. The microwave oven industry is quacking in its boots now. What electrical appliances are good, and which ones are evil? DeSantis believes that defending gas stoves is a matter of principle. I swear the Governor will run out of gauntlets way before the presidential campaign heats up.
"They want your gas stove, and we're not going to let that happen," the Governor said on Wednesday.
The gas industry is under fire. Oh no! But wait, what about that Chinese spy balloon?
And some people say that there are toxic metals in baby food. But don't mention another incendiary topic, Regulators, or you might get fragged. Just when you thought you'd lost trust in every possible institution in the United States, you are confronted with the toxic baby food wars. Get litigious on it. A "Toxic Baby Food Class Action" lawsuit was thrown out—this will get stinkier than a one-year-old's diaper.
Will Americans ever have enough to fight over? Where are the toxic baby food contrarians? Heterodox podcasters had better get busy on this scoop.
Everything is toxic, and the dose makes the poison.
There are more obese kids than ever before, and dealing with the Obesidemic will be the biggest food fight ever. Eating disorders exist everywhere, and nutritional guidelines have become a minefield peppered with sugar. How can anyone pretend to address obesity in children and the potential policy issues surrounding it? The stomach growling will hit a fever pitch! Getting the government out of children's health vs. We must do something to protect children's health is a significant source of contention between Republicans and Democrats. Heck, State Governments can’t even afford to feed school children.
But hang on, wait a minute. China says Taiwan is part of China. China might go after the microchip foundries in Taiwan!
And, anyway, it's too expensive to eat healthy food. And the only thing killing people is adverse reactions to big Pharma.
If Americans wanted cheap fruits and vegetables, China would ship synthetic edibles to the United States to fill the big box stores. But then you'd expect the Chinese to poison the broccoli with TikTok. And if someone wanted to regulate that, there would be a horrific fight and a never-ending filibuster in Congress. The Social Justice Warriors would protest, and conservatives would get super mad. And indeed, if there is a food crisis, it would have but one cause. Sam’s finger would find one particular thing to point at and pronounce, “Let the bombing begin.”
I won't mention the "warming" thing. I don't want to get death threats.
Remember Huawei and space lasers? You know who's messing with the thing that shall not be named to keep me safe.
The food swamp is an unhealthy big business, so there are KFCs and lots of Coca-Cola in Beijing. Uncle Sam can also fight dirty. There are lots of fat kids in China these days. People in China are getting type 2 diabetes. (Could it be a CIA plot?)
Medical science says there is a link between junk food and brain dysfunction. The State Department needs to provide more subsidies to the fast food industry and incentivize the invasion of Shanghai by Taco Bells.
And I am sure you can count on DeSantis to make certain pesky nutrition science doesn't interfere with your choice of snacks. Have we all forgotten how brilliantly provocative President Trump was with his room full of MacDonald's fare? That was a Whole Foods beat down the likes of which a more enlightened leader would never have conceived.
And let's not forget how China tried to poison Americans for decades with their cheap Chinese restaurants and MSG-laced dishes.
Food processing adds value. More sugar, more better, but leave the salt and pepper shakers on the table.
And if you find some scientific studies that say ultra-processed food may contribute to cancer risk, you'd better prepare for a vicious fight with Big Fast Food lobbyists. #PoliticizeNutrition
One thing is for sure, Americans don't like being spied on by Chinese weather balloons. If Chinese spymasters had any respect for the American government, wouldn't they want to be more stealthy about their attempts to get info from a North Dakota field? Show some respect!
Let's not forget that Uncle Sam is behind almost every conspiracy one can imagine. Big Pharma has a cure for everything, but they keep them secret to make Americans buy medicines to treat their controversial lifestyle choices.
But the Pentagon is clever. They've convinced China to use Western Medicine, thereby weakening its people's immune systems and bleeding the country financially. Complimentary And Alternative Medicine and Chinese Medicine are losing out to local Chinese Big Pharma.
Silk knows that a bioweapon killed her sister Diamond. Where do you think this bioweapon originated? Bill Gates, perhaps, or was it The Chinese?
Star athletes get sick, and one side knows why, while the other side gets paid by Big Pharma to pretend otherwise.
And if all this isn't enough for heightened rancor, good Americans will have to convince bad Americans what's causing the high price of eggs.
"Chicken Egg Yolk Antibodies (IgYs) block the binding of multiple SARS-CoV-2 spike protein variants to human ACE2."
"I am sure this has nothing to do with why we have mass egg shortages or why entire chicken factories are burning down. Nope, not one bit," — influencer Brittney Kara
This fight will be uglier than a tared and feathered egg yoke.
But China makes fake eggs. Maybe China is behind the egg shortage and will find a way to safely drop eggs from its spy balloons that will brainwash people into locking themselves indoors, away from a free vitamin D supply where they can brood about how so many Americans are evil and stupid.
No, that can't be the case. Putler and his boyfriend Xi are using Twitter bots and Facebook posts to make Americans hate each other and elect very bad hombres—on both sides, on both sides. Putler and Xi are trying to spark a civil war in America!
Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle who serve at the pleasure of global financialized capitalism are too smart to fall for that gambit. They are flipping the script on China and Russia by laying the groundwork for a good old-fashioned, trumped-up reason for going to war with China. I can think of a good reason, and I don't need ChatGPT: China and its globe cap CEOs have been flooding the USA with cheap consumer goods for decades.
Finally, Americans will unite around the only thing Americans ever unite around: killing and dying in a war 7,655.18 mi (12,319.82 km) away from its shores. Well, Australians, Japanese, and Filipinos will do most of the fighting and dying, and they live much closer to China. Hooray!
And who wins? Who always wins? I hope you are a shareholder.
But maybe I'm being silly. Let's see what ChatGPT has to say.
"It is not accurate to say that the United States wants to go to war with China. The relationship between the two countries is complex and multifaceted, with areas of cooperation and competition.
While there are some concerns and tensions in the relationship, such as trade imbalances and human rights issues, both countries have engaged in diplomatic efforts to address these challenges. War is not a desirable outcome for either country, as it would have devastating consequences for both nations and the world as a whole.
It is important for the United States and China to continue to engage in dialogue and work towards resolving their differences peacefully."
